I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
