i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
We named our party play list daddy issues
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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