i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Actions speak louder than pants.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
