oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
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So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
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