I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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