is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Randomize
