Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
