His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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