I am puke
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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