Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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