He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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