so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
