Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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