Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
