Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
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