I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
