I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
