don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
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