I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
