i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
