new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you didnt know i had herpes?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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