so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
