Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
