the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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