You're completely useless in the revolution.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
