I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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