did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
