I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize