every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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