so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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