At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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