I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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