Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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