So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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