I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
