Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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