At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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