OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
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