yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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