he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
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the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
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Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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