that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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