what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
