I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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