She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
