your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
being pregnant is like rehab
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
