Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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