things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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