I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
sex in a hospital.. check
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
