then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
