If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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