Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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