i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
