basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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