Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
