im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
