I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
