Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
