I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
