I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
