margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
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The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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