Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We talked him into tasing himself.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
