Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
