So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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