She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
