It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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