Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
