There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
