She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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